I’m Not Like You, Am I?
Janet: During our promotion and support of Pride Month, I thought about how I related to the LGBTQ community. It’s one on one. David, Justin, Gaddy, Steve, Joy, and Chelsea a few of the individuals with whom I’ve worked, with whom I’ve gone to school, or taken a writing class. It never occurred to me to talk about how they felt or if they’ve been traumatized. I participated in Pride marches and raised my arm in solidarity, but I didn’t think to ask.
Marie: Many of us weren’t witness to the beatings and humiliation suffered in the LGBTQ community in the 1960’s and 70’s. When we read about the Stonewall Uprising in Manhattan, we begin to understand what Pride Month really means. When we dig into domestic violence and some of it’s history, we learn that until gay marriage was recognized, no events of domestic violence in the LGBTQ community could be reported. SInce, as it was written, domestic violence happens between spouses, and there were no LGBTQ “spouses” on paper back then. There has been some movement toward parity, toward human understanding and compassion. Trauma is not exclusive to any gender, but in the LGBTQ community it is different only because we label it that way, and when we label, we de-humanize.
We can’t imagine the backlash suffered by a Trans or Queer-Gay-Bi-Poly human, but what we can imagine is ‘human.’ Our truth, just like your truth, when we dare to finally tell it, is loud. It’s fierce and it’s brave.
1-4 women, and 1-in 6 men, or worse?
“LGBT people are nearly four times more likely than non-LGBT people to experience violent victimization, including rape, sexual assault, and aggravated or simple assault.” https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/press/ncvs-lgbt-violence-press-release/
Janet: The legal way I reported my assault felt justified. I felt strong and righteous, yet I was still ignored. RAINN points out that people who report, from the LGBTQ community, experience:
Not feeling believed or worrying that you won’t be believed.
Feeling shame, guilt, or like it is your fault
You may feel that you are the only person who has been through sexual assault or worry that others will judge or misunderstand if you tell them.
You may face disbelief that sexual violence affects LGBTQ people.
It can be hard to self-identify as a survivor. If the assault does not fit your idea of what sexual violence looks like or who may be involved with it.
Telling someone might be harder if you are not out yet
You may not find support in some faith communities.
Wait – that’s a lot of what I felt when faced with the decision to report or not report as a cis female. We wanted to know more…
In an interview with Tiffany Scales, Tiffany Scales aka The Wordmatician Radio Personality The New Amazing 102.5fm KMAZ , we asked some questions:
OSV: Do survivors know where to turn? Can you speak about how reaching out sometimes means “coming out” before on is ready to?
Scales: “Sometimes survivors fail to realize they survived. Too often people just accept the experience and continue breathing shallowly because they do not know where to turn. Our city (Houston) has an enormous amount of support when it comes to domestic and sexual violence. I am proud to have learned about Victim Services as well as the other resources we have for LGBTQIA+ youth and adults. Yes, it is possible for someone to feel afraid to come forward because they are not ready to be out, however it is encouraged they do not stay IN the harmful predicament!”
OSV: You are a powerful woman. What frightens you?
Scales: “Ignorance is certainly scary-especially when opinions are so quickly adopted. I cannot speak for those who identify differently than myself-but it is frightening how hateful people can be toward beautiful individuals simply because they're "different".”
OSV: Can we increase the competency needed to serve the LGBTQIA+ community? If so, what are the skills needed?
Scales: “You can engage with individuals you think you do not identify with by simply not minimizing your comparable experiences. Too often people are categorized and dismissed as though their presence is not understood. Take some time to engage, and see for yourself how compatible people can be, simply by association of activities and interests. The only skill you need is desire. Want to! As soon as you identify people as people and not categorize them into subcategories you will be able to see humans for humans.”
OSV: How can we work to encourage more thought around the ways we perceive, advocate, and discuss sexual violence in the LGBTQ community and broaden compassion?
Scales: “Ask questions, that is not the only way to learn-but it will help. One way to better perceive and advocate for the LGBTQIA+ Community is to join it. Through volunteer efforts and support you can gain insight and truly gain appreciation for people as a whole. Volunteer with agencies like the Montrose Center, HATCH, LYFE, Save Our Sisters United, The Mahogany Project, Queer Voices (KPFT)... see for yourself the beauty of this community and watch your compassion broaden.”
Now we know what to do – and it’s for all of us.
Volunteer, take action to gain insight and appreciation of this beautiful community.
We thank Tiffany Scales, The Wordmatician and well-known Radio Personality, and OSV will take her advice.
Will you?