I’m Terrified: How Can I Tell What Happened
Christine Blasey Ford's Opening Statement for a Senate Hearing - September 26, 2018 · 5:48 PM ET
“I am here today not because I want to be. I am terrified. I am here because I believe it is my civic duty to tell you what happened to me while Brett Kavanaugh and I were in high school… I understand and appreciate the importance of your hearing from me directly about what happened to me and the impact it has had on my life and on my family.” -Christine Blasey Ford
Janet: I wrote in the introduction to our book, OSV: End the Silence © “Especially shaken and rocked to the core by the 2018 testimony of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford…. I was where she was, brought back to a party in the bedroom she described, but in California, 1964.”
It’s a battlefield we seem destined to travel when telling what happened. What will my daughters think if I tell, my husband, my mother, my friends and co-workers? Maybe they will listen and, maybe they won’t believe you. Maybe there will be retaliation. You’ll have to answer questions, some of which are yours, about yourself, your behavior, your actions, your choices. By the time you’re done, you may be punished for telling.
Marie: It’s never easy to talk publicly or report about something that is wrong. We risk being fired or our abuser causing retribution. All the unknowns swirling in your head would be enough to make anyone hesitate at the very least. Whistleblowers put their jobs, reputations, and sometimes even physical well-being on the line to report fraud, criminal violations, or threats to the environment and public safety.
RAAIN states, in their article on What to Expect at a Criminal Trial
https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-expect-criminal-trial
“When a case against an alleged perpetrator goes to trial in criminal court, the victim is often asked to testify. The idea of testifying may feel overwhelming or intimidating for some survivors of sexual violence. Everyone responds differently to sharing their experience publicly and testifying in court is no exception.”
Click here to read the article
Janet: But for me – what I put on the line is my own ability to tell my daughters. I had a boss who tried to take me into the back room for “punishment” when I made clerical error. When I threatened to report him to the DWC (Division of Workers' Compensation), he left a message on my answering machine. He said he would have me killed if I didn’t back off. You can imagine the police at the time. Lady, you don’t have proof…your recording could be faked … fill in the blanks. I went forward with my report to the DWC and we, my girls and I, moved out of town.
What’s at stake? What if they ask a question? I know I’m ready to answer with the context that, that is why I started this project with Marie. How I learned in a workshop how to write my story, how it turned into a poem that was published, how I can stand separate from the story. It’s on a page and I’m standing here.
But what about the people who are under the watch of Border Patrol or Ice?
Marie: Amnesty International reports that 60% of young girls and women are victimized during their journey from Mexico to the United States, with countless more going unreported.
A woman I met is an assault victim and undocumented. The fear of speaking out is magnified for her. She could be deported or lose her children. Everything she clings to stands to be ripped away – so sometimes living and working in unsafe conditions seems like the only way.
Picture yourself in this situation for a moment, deciding what to do about an attack of rape. Imagine the questions that hold you back, then compound them with “Will I be detained or deported if I talk?” “Will ICE be notified?” “Will my family get deported if I talk?” “Who will take care of my children?”
According to RAAIN, most states have a Victims’ Bill of Rights that can differ depending on where the court case is being heard. There are some rights that apply across many states, according to the Office of Justice Programs.
These rights include but are not limited to:
The right to apply for crime victim compensation
The right to attend criminal justice proceedings
The right to certain protections from intimidation and harassment throughout the trial
The right to be heard and participate in criminal justice proceedings
You can learn more about victim rights in your state from the Office for Victims of Crime.
How can you tell your story?
Write it as fiction and add drama, write with a pseudonym like many contributors to our book, and sign up for Dr. Cindy’s workshop:
How to Write Your Trauma