In the Local Paper: An Assault a Week
Janet: It’s a simple morning routine, bonding with my husband over a hot cup of coffee, glancing at the Houston Chronicle. My husband shares the sports section hoping I take it seriously, and I look at what’s happening Around the Region.
It started last fall, October 21, 2020. The headline read, “Officer, killed at site of multiple domestic calls.” What? The sub-line read, “The suspect was never arrested amid three recent complaints.” I was stunned for a second.
Then, I began to relate the relationship I’ve had with wherever the local police served my community. I’ve called the police when my pissed-off boss left a message on my answering machine that he was going to have me killed, and when my ex-husband visited, angry that I laughed at his idea, and he hit me in the jaw and knocked me to the floor.
And both times, the police said they couldn’t do anything. So says my avenging voice, they can’t get the abuser until they catch them in the act? Or until one of them is killed?
While we watch the policemen’s trial, the policeman who killed George Floyd because he was, what, black-tall-and what? Was the wife who called the police where the officer was killed “hysterical?”
My reasonable question is, are we asking the people who we’re taught will protect us to protect us and they can’t? Are they allowed to protect us, to take us away from the threat? Alternatively, are they constrained? -Janet
What can we expect?
Marie:
Until a crime has been committed, the police cannot do anything. It’s an unfortunate fact. It is a limitation that we live with because the language used to create our laws is not nuanced, the way life is.
In that gray area between the intent and the actual commission of the crime, we have to take care of ourselves. A person’s connections, community and neighbors sometimes witness for the victim, and occasionally, their intervention saves the day.
Sometimes lives hang in the balance. They really can’t do anything to an abuser on hearsay and sometimes that means they step in only after someone is severely traumatized, hospitalized, or killed. It’s horrible.
Janet:
December 28, 2020
Spring, TX -“Man says he ‘snapped’ and fatally shot his wife. He told police when they arrived, she used profanity toward him.”
Really?
February 3, 2021
Dear Abby, “My son is in an abusive marriage.” He won’t leave because of the kids, and the woman is demanding he leave the house to her, the house they bought together. The question is, “Is there any kind of support for abused men?”
Of course, Abby recommended The National Domestic Violence Hotline 8-800-799-7233 and www.stopabuseforeveryone.org
March 3, 2021
“Daughter jailed in fatal shooting.” The victim was her mother’s boyfriend. The reporter got this: “When asked by police why it took several hours to report the shooting, the mother didn’t seem “very forthcoming.” She said she had “gone through a lot this year.”
Can we speculate about the word ‘a lot?”
March 9, 2021
“More allegations against dentist in child porn case.” Prosecutors will show his predation goes back 23 years.
Who knew and didn’t tell, or listen, or believe?
March 13, 2021
“Man indicted in woman’s grisly hacking death.” In front of her fiancé. “A public works crew found her hacked remains in plastic bags under a tarp”
There’s no mention of the fiancé or his reaction.
March 16, 2021
“Man arrested in slaying of woman in San Marcos.” Officers “found the body of a woman…..a baby found next to the woman’s body was not injured.”
Am I glad he will never get out? Yes
March 25, 2021
“Former state trooper is accused of sexually assaulting 2 women.” The first assault happened when he issued a “written warning,” then he “threatened to take her to jail unless she got in his car and gave him a…..” fill in the disgusting blank. The second happened at a gas station where he told a woman, “he was taking her to a substation for outstanding warrants, ordered her into his car and …” Again, fill in the blanks.
Marie:
There was a time when stories like these would not be tolerated in tribes, or in close-knit communities. In families, where a husband was becoming rough with his wife, the uncles, brothers or fathers would come together and interrupt the violence. They were leaders, strong and respected, that could be relied upon to step in.
The SOS (Safe Outside the System) program has been developed for and by those who sometimes cannot rely on the police force for protection, such as the LGBTQ community. Part of the Audre Lorde project, this system is based on building trust and accountability among neighbors to transform individuals and build a safer society. - Marie
“The Audre Lorde Project is a Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Two Spirit, Trans and Gender Non-Conforming People of Color community organizing center, focusing on the New York City area.”
Janet:
April 2, 2021
Today, I looked at the Chronicle and didn’t want to open the page behind the front page. I didn’t want to scan…then I saw this, “Child sex assault suspect jailed, in ICE custody.” Roadkill! I had to look.
“The investigation began after the victim confided to a friend…” The guy had been “regularly assaulting her and had been for years.” The friend told the victim’s mother...” and the guy was arrested. There’s hope when we say it over, and over, and over, and over again.
What to say about this… Don’t ever look at the second page of the Houston Chronicle? No, we need to look; we must see the impossible to imagine; we must watch and protect our friends, sons, daughters, fathers, and mothers. Who cares if we are criticized for being overprotective? We can be part of the protective community, including our police. Who else will protect us if not all of us?
Marie:
Yes, we need to look. We need to know and to uproot these events, and we need to work toward greater safety. It won’t happen for just a few, this will happen for all of us or for no one.
So, it bears repeating: Who else will protect us if not all of us?