Is Strength a Gift?
What happens when we speak up, when we tell, when we report?
Janet: I ran across an article in the Harvard Business Review with the title “Women Are Afraid to Speak up? Really?” Having worked in the corporate world for most of my life, the title made me laugh and I want to quip something rudely barbed. But the article had a good point – if employees don’t speak up, what keeps them quiet? As I read, I realized that the reasons might be rooted in how we define power. Income, position, education, and gender keep men and women quiet…equally. The article, well written by James D. Detert, Ethan R.Burris, and David A. Harrison is well written and worth reading.
But what do we know about speaking up about assault? The urge to shut down is almost overwhelming.
How do we tell, stand fierce, brave, and loud in the face of blowback from co-workers, family, and friends?
Marie: As a whistleblower, when we sound the alarm about abuse, what happens? Then, how do we stay strong enough to see it through? What happens to whistleblowers can be life-threatening – where does the strength come from? What are we willing to risk?
Attention is focused on your issue, win or lose. For a while. Then it stops. What’s it like after the attention goes away? You are still there when it’s over. Your actions are the only difference making an impact when the noise ends.
There is a good chance there’s a lot of anger if we’ve experienced an abusive relationship. Its toxicity will eventually manifest itself in some destructive and painful way, turning the abuse inward toward ourselves. So, what do we do? How do we process that anger?
Some of us report. Shout it out. Some of us never say a word. I looked at what it’s like to be a whistleblower. I discovered that more than 90% of all whistleblower cases are unsuccessful, resulting in less than 1% award — in fact, less than 3% of whistleblower complaints even cause the SEC or CFTC to open an investigation.
Reward or Risk?
Like a whistleblower, when we sound the alarm about abuse, what happens? Then, how do we stay strong enough to see it through? What are we willing to risk?
Janet: I have written about what happened when I reported my firing to Workers Comp in California. I got fired for not letting my boss “punish” me for an error in an auto-leasing document. He had to pay for the error and as a result he punished in the back room. I refused, he fired me and that led to me reporting him. My action led to a large fine for his business for not paying into the state unemployment fund. His reaction was shocking. He left a message on my home voice recorder threating to have me killed and he detailed how he would do it.
I listened to the message as I was preparing dinner for my two girls. I was out of a job, and we ate pancakes until I got a new one, but I went into that new job with strength. It wasn’t “Wonder Woman” strength, but it was the kind that comes from standing up for myself.
Marie: What happens when anger does come out? The abuser is likely to spring into action. They will gaslight and try to jam the anger back toward you and use it against you as proof of how crazy you are. Remember that there are resources and professionals that can help with this, that have been where you are. You are not alone. We encourage you to find your unique way to tell your unique story. We encourage you to visit our website for resources and information about the many professionals who will listen and believe.
We have asserted from the beginning that writing your story, submitting to OSV and being published, allows for freedom for the writer.
We have articulated our vision of elevating the conversation around assault so that it’s known and discussed in the open, out of court or a congressional hearing.
Maybe power is in the strength to standup and speak.