Why We Wait…
“I feel his frozen fingers trail up my thigh…”
It sounds like the start of a horror flick… It is.
The quote is from Cassidy Hutchinson, the former Trump aide turned crucial January 6 witness. She says, in a new book, she was groped by Rudy Giuliani, who was “like a wolf closing in on its prey”, on the day of the attack on the Capitol. https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/sep/20/rudy-giuliani-grope-cassidy-hutchinson-claim-january-6-trump-aide
This was shared in the media and the girl shaming started. If you’ve been assaulted, in your thoughts you can hear the sounds of people tearing you apart at the seams. We see it on TV, in movies, and we can all imagine what the people around you would say if you talked or testified publicly.
“It’s fair to ask…why she is just now coming out with these allegations from two and a half years ago…” Ted Goodman, a spokesperson for Rudy Guliani.
Ted continues with the opinion that she’s just using this lie to promote an upcoming book tour.
Right…..
No mention of sexual assault with the effrontery to make allegations against such a man.
How Could You…..
If you report me, I will destroy you and your reputation.
That’s what they say - you’re crazy or at fault or setting them up.
Not many of us have the opportunity for a broad media book tour but our worlds are just big enough to cause us to feel Shame, Fear, Uncertainty, and Guilt.
It’s natural to think we can get over it and simply move on. And if you give it some thought, you can do that. You’re strong enough. Give it your best and then when someone puts their arm around you, you flinch.
How about this one: What did I do to cause this? Of course, we think it’s our fault. What did you say? God help me, did I flirt? I should never have had that last drink, worn that outfit, or gone to that party.
Really? You did not cause this and neither did Cassidy. And, as many times as you read these words, your mind will not let you off the hook.
Before you walk in front of the cameras or show up in court or tell your boss, you need to get it straight. You were assaulted and this is what happened.
When I walked into a writing class with the memory of all the journals I’d burned, I announced I would never write my story. As the class progressed, I dutifully did the homework.
We at OSV know not everyone feels the need to write or share. It takes a strong stand to be heard, in a poem, in a short story, written with names, pseudonyms, or anonymity.
But the nicely packaged, safely tucked away story began to emerge like a monster lurking in the shadows. I put it away because you never know what will happen when it gets loose.
Then….a few things happened. I heard the words to a song in the background of some Netflix series, and the words in closed caption were, “Wouldn’t it be nice to disappear.” Those words were very familiar.
I moved to my laptop and started to write stuff down, list, words, feelings, colors, smell, light, and dark. “Wouldn’t it be nice to disappear” are the words I used the morning after the party, that summer 50+ years ago. My words were choppy and disorganized then the words formed sentences.
I looked up poetry forms and found one where the words are repeated, stanza after stanza, like a mantra hummed to the tune of begging.
In writing your story you may experience what the writers in our first book experienced – The strength of writing causes a separation of the story from you. From that mind that tries to tell you it’s your fault, to the page in a powerful move.
In an editorial published by The Medium, Aia Jaber writes:
“Victims of abuse are incredibly powerful. I do believe that those who live each day with this immense amount of trauma are heroes. They are very much my own; both those who choose to remain silent or feel able to share their stories. To those who’ve gotten justice finally, or in the pursuit of such, thank you for inspiring and strengthening so many victims. Please do not feel rushed to voice your stories and experiences, but please know that you are worth hearing.” https://themedium.ca/why-some-victims-of-sexual-violence-choose-to-remain-quiet
Now, what resources do you have?
At Our Silent Voice, we say it’s heroic to tell your story. It’s brave and the risk is worth it.
Silent Voices Are Silent No More
If you want to write your story and find yourself stuck in thinking you can’t write, contact us at mpjp@oursilentvoice.com. We can help with a workshop, personal writing coaching, or editing.
To buy our first book, go to your local bookstore online or Amazon.com.
One reader said “This powerful book brings light to how trauma happens at every age, in every country, in every culture, and helps you find that you are not alone. It inspires you to take pen to paper and write your own story, no matter how ugly or uncomfortable, and to start your own journey to realize that it does not control you, that you are not defined by it.”