How We Wrote OUR Trauma: OUR Silent Voice
Marie: I didn’t want to. I really didn’t want to. I went as far as to believe that my story wasn’t really traumatic. Then, after I wrote it all out, made the grammatical corrections, and read it our loud, the reactions of listeners told me that this story actually did have a place in Our Silent Voice. I had minimized it and played it down for so long!
I wrestled with my belief that it was not that bad, that it was less severe, and thereby, needed less healing and not as much attention. So, my voice had been silent. Until we started to read about it and talk about it. In learning about it and researching this topic, I can now confidently say that no trauma is too small or inconsequential, and it’s never too late to start the healing.
Janet: I really relate to our last blog and the article by Melissa Febos in Poets&Writers, Jan/Feb 2017 explaining how writing is a subversive act. The story of my rape, escape from rape, the outright aggressive harassment at work, and the micro aggressive action from clients is written.
We cannot ignore the power and the danger of that which threatens our lifelong belief that we are not worth it, or the cry of the internal voice that says you shouldn’t, or you’re just being silly. I kept my secret for over twenty years and truthfully approached it as a nagging past. But when I took on the dangerous act of subverting my inner critic and writing it anyway, it was powerful.
I didn’t write to help anybody. In fact, that would have been very noble, but I’m not. It was for me. I couldn’t live the lie anymore. I married two men that expected me to be who they thought I should be in the role of a wife.
I wasn’t right for the role and I couldn’t pretend…
I didn’t know I was damaged. I looked and acted fine except I wasn’t and I just couldn’t do it. They cheated and left! - Janet
Sometimes I couldn’t breathe, I triple locked my apartment door and still have a horrible time sleeping in anybody’s house. I don’t want to talk about it, write about it or share! Trouble was, I couldn’t write my way out of a paper bag, and random, rambling whining got me nowhere. I had to learn to write, to cram my stories into a form that figuratively closed the door. That put a period on the end of it, shut the cover on it, and put it in the bookcase.
But like an ingrown nail, it never gets better on its own. I had to do it.
Now, I see it differently and, like Marie says, no trauma is inconsequential. Here, within OSV is a community of men and women who share our trauma. We talk about it, write about it and are eager to be published. It feels more normal. Not average or unique, just normal. I find strength in that.
That’s what we want to share with other men and women, we can talk about it and understand each other. Lift each other up to a standing position for ourselves, each other, and provide a community into which we can invite others.
Marie: In closing, I want to echo what Janet has said, because it bears repeating. We started the OSV movement to lift each other up. We’ve begun a community of support and transformation. In fact we “talk about it” posted on Facebook every Friday at noon and we invite you to join in our “Talk About It” We discuss a new topic every week related to Our Silent Voice and news from the movement.
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