Rehab or Incarcerate
Violence is a learned behavior. There are those that believe violence is inherent in man – homo sapiens do violence because they can.
Marie: When someone accused of sexual violence is caught and punished, do they ever come around? Do they learn from mistakes and change? Or do they just become better rapists? For a therapist to get to the root of this kind of behavior an intensive, long-term approach is necessary.
For example, the Man Alive program, started by Hamish Sinclair, is a 52-week program.
The first twenty weeks are spent educating and building awareness, so that men can be accountable for their violence. Without this, many play down the effect of the violent act, and twist the events so that it seems to be the others’ fault. The next sixteen weeks are spent teaching alternative behaviors to violence.
Janet: Violence is a learned behavior and there are those that believe that violence is inherent in man – homo sapiens do it because they can. But if violence is learned, is it not logical that non-violence can also be learned? The desire to gain and maintain power and control over another is the cause, and substance is the lubricant for that learned behavior. Alcohol and drugs are not the cause of domestic violence.
According to The National Domestic Violence Hotline,
‘Domestic violence stems from a desire to gain and maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abusive people believe they have the right to control and restrict their partner’s lives, often either because they believe their own feelings and needs should be the priority in the relationship, or because they enjoy exerting the power that such abuse gives them.’
Marie: Yes, sometimes, these men have just never been taught that there are alternatives to violence.
There are intervention programs all over the country. It’s important to continue their funding and be aware that the people you vote for support the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA). Some of the other programs are known as Emerge, in Boston – Amend, in Denver – Domestic Abuse Intervention Program in Duluth.
Restorative Justice is another way to help perpetrators understand the impact of what they’ve done. In some places, general victims of domestic violence are asked to voluntarily come in and speak about their experiences.
Unless the stories are told, people do not automatically understand what it means to live through trauma and its aftermath.
Janet: If according to RAIIN 975 out of 1000 assaults are reported and a mere 25 are incarcerated, the equation changes. Overall, 925 remaining perps can do a lot of damage.
It makes me wonder what the real problem is.
How about this – why do men rape, how do alcohol and drugs play a part it, why we don’t report it and how lucky are we the 25 incarcerated have programs to teach them new behavior?
We love the idea that programs in prison address accountability and more programs that restore justice and by all accounts they work. Regarding the 925 who are reported and not convicted, they still remain in our communities and saying, “I was only doing what I want because I can!”
I’ve written about calling the police when my boss left a message on my answering machine that he was going to have me killed for reporting him and his company. The response could not have been more insulting and insufficient from the officer when I called. “Why don’t you just go with the flow?”
The flow was letting my boss ‘punish’ me in the back room if I made a mistake on a leasing document. There is so much wrong on so many levels in that story, but it links directly to the assumption,
“I can do what I want because I can.”
How about college campuses?
We cringe with outrage when a young man’s life is ruined by an accusation. Then we pray and weep when the girl chooses suicide?
We must talk about how to be ready, ready to prevent rape. We need tools to ward off the predation, know it’s coming, be prepared, and gain the strength to report.
How are we to do that?
Educate yourself about the VAWA and find out if your congressional representatives support it. If they don’t, become a letter writing problem. Because – when the act is finally ratified it will be a significant link to strengthen reporting that’s has traction.
Maybe then we can get more of those 925 into one of those long-term prison programs.
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